I went to America

to see storms…

the two weeks I was there were the less storms for that period since records began…

i saw hail stones in UK yesterday, would have saved me £1300 pounds, and i wouldn’t eaten the equivalent of 6 cows in a bun.

I havent been very good

at keep this blog up, but i promise I will now.. i don’t lie all the time so who knows !

Pain

Last night I cooked with the hottest chillies… Naga Morich

I burnt my tongue, lips and throat…..

I didn’t wash my hands….

I went to the toilet…..

I know what real pain is.

 

 

The joys of the london underground

Sitting on a tube train in the rush hour is a joy many have to endure. I don’t that often, but today I am.

Just to make it better, the person next to me smells like a kebab (with extra chilli sauce) must have had a good night out.

The worry is there is a space next to me on the other side. So do I smell to?

*sigh*

What do you do for your birthday?

Many people go out get drunk, have a good time… Kids have fun with jelly and ice cream.

So what did I do for mine the other day?

Well I awoke and had a bit of what I thought was wind… No this turned out to be a bug and soon i was in pain shivering and feeling really shitty. 

So no going out getting drunk!

I made the best of it and sat down to watch Borat on DVD. Anything to make me smile.

Then there is a rushing, wooshing sound. Turn to look round and there’s water pouring out of a hole in the radiator. Called for an emergency plumber, all of whom are on other jobs!

Asked my neighbour for some help… he managed to undo both sides of the radiator, so instead of water just coming out of the hole in radiator, it was now pouring out of three places.

Eventually a plumber turns up. 

So for my birthday I had a bug, a swimming pool for a carpet, no radiator and a bill from the plumber. 

*sigh*

Tracey

There was once a very beautiful lady who said she loved me.

I named my 18 inch Dalek after her.

I don’t hear from her anymore.

A manager is only as good as his / her people…

I am a manager in my spare time… However, I do hold it to be true that any manager should have a deep respect for his or her staff… after all for a manager to succeed their staff need to succeed.

However, I had a leave form handed into me by one of my group… she had crossed out all the printed words saying “leave” and replaced them with “holiday.”

I asked her why, she said “because people often call leave, annual leave… “

I said “and?”

she said… “annual means a year and as I only wanted a week off I thought I had better replace leave with holiday….”

*sigh*

Chemical warfare in the kitchen….

At my Dads still, well was earlier…..

OK so he decides he wants to cook the food… King prawns and salad stuff… You just know though whatever he cooks, will have enough butter to permanently clog a Tyrannosaur’s arteries with not so lovely cholesterol. 

Anyway, then he says.. wheres the ginger (using similar expletives to earlier blog)… Its Very lazy Cooking ginger in a jar.

I found the ginger, the conversation went something like this…

Me: “dad, the ginger has a date of 17th February on it.”

Dad: “that’s only a few days out of date, it will be fine.”

Me: “17th February 2004…” It was five years out of date.

Dad: “that’s just a guideline.”

This is where I almost took up religion again, as the lid was so tightly stuck on, neither of us could remove it. But alas, he bought out something that looked like an instrument of torture that even the gestapo would have frowned upon this. At this the jar gave up and opened of its own accord.

So there was me with a cholesterol stew with a jar of ginger that should have a bio hazard sticker on it. To stop any chance of a return to swearing I ate the dinner. My arteries are fully blocked and I have eaten ginger with cultures on it that would have given Louis Pasteur a wet dream.

oh!

Today me and a colleague were interviewing people for a job. The first candidate was very over qualified, as when I asked him for his documents, he handed me an MBA as well as his passport. I was expecting a just a passport.

Then I looked at the name on the form. The man’s documents I had just been handed had a very African looking name. The name on the form was Trevor.

I had to ask, “what job are you going for?”

It turns out, security sent us this poor chap, when Trevor was downstairs waiting for an interview for a very high powered job. It would have almost been worth carrying on just or the entertainment value!

Oops…

She loves me yea yea yea

OK, picture this… A gorgeous* lady who used to work with me saw me on a training course and said wow you look great, you lost so much weight… I was so smug. Then she said and your hair.. “you like a Beatle.”   Oh. John Lennon was great, but do I want to look like a Beatle :/

*Oh*

* she’s in her 50s and good for her age, but I should really cross out the word gorgeous.